Counselling with Martin Kelly Pg Dip Counselling MBACP


Psychosynthesis Counselling in Westerham - covering Oxted, Surrey and Sevenoaks, Kent

Are you struggling with life? Or feeling overwhelmed by anger? Finding it difficult to communicate with someone you care about? Are you under stress, fighting off depression or suffering from bereavement?

Seeing a therapist can help. Whatever problem or challenge is affecting you, as a therapist I can support you to work through it. Contrary to what some people believe, seeing a therapist for counselling is a sign of strength, a sign that you mean to get the help you need to face life's difficulties and overcome them.

As a trained and experienced Psychosynthesis counsellor I can help you with

  • Depression

  • Depression is a debilitating condition which can leave us feeling numb, overwhelmed, without energy or all three. What is the cure? First, a proper diagnosis. Is the depression caused by a life event, such as bereavement, which needs to be worked through or does it lie deeper in our psyche, perhaps a pattern of thinking and feeling which limits our ability or respond to these challenges? Patient listening will reveal the root cause. Bringing that into awareness means we have a new freedom to choose how we respond to such events. this, in itself, is empowering. Often, once we realise we have a choice, the way ahead is clear.

  • Anger management

  • Anger is a natural emotion. Expressed cleanly it is a legitimate assertion of our needs and is often evoked in response to injustice. However, we can often become stuck in a cycle of stimulus and reaction and find it hard to free ourselves from feelings of active aggression (hot temper) or passive aggression (cold fury). Again, knowledge is the key. Did disputes in childhood end in shouting? Alternatively, was anger the only emotion that was taboo? Once we accept and understand the origins of our behaviour, we are free to change it. Rather than merely react, we can choose to respond, giving us the chance to achieve the outcome we desire.

  • Relationship difficulties

  • Love is a prerequisite for human flourishing. Holding and being held, intimacy and support, respect and being given space to breathe, companionship and fun are all components of healthy relationships. Problems arise when there are different expectations between the parties about the nature of the relationship and the relative importance of these components. This can lead to misunderstanding, frustration and resentment. Understanding, therefore, how we typically relate to others is a first step to resolving these difficulties. It is then important to identify what we want from a relationship and learn how to ask for it. This is a skill which can be taught.

    It is inevitable that we will be hurt by the loss of someone we love. Defending ourselves against this hurt may lead to the natural grieving process being blocked. When this happens, a gentle loosening of the fear of feeling the hurt may release us to grieve openly and so move forward to acceptance. It may be more difficult if the loss is one of many, where the previous losses have not been worked through, and the loss may be further complicated if it is unexpected or arises through violence. Traumatised, we may go numb, deny the reality of what has happened, be overcome with 'what-ifs' or feel responsible for the death. If this happens, a careful unpicking of the thoughts and feelings attached to the loss is called for, examining which are justified by the facts and which not. Both sets of feelings then need to be accepted and laid to rest, before the loss can be accommodated and we can move forward in life. What we feel in response to the loss of a person, we can also feel in response to the loss of a relationship, a job, our health or any number of things. Again, a patient and self-loving process of acceptance is what I would encourage you to discover and nurture.

  • Low self-esteem

  • Low self-esteem is a sickness of the soul. If we have been ignored we may believe that we do not amount to much. If we have been bullied we may feel that we do not deserve to. When we interpret the world through these lenses it is likely that we will see only what confirms our low opinion of ourselves. We need therefore to develop awareness of our patterns of thinking and feeling since with awareness comes choice. We can choose to appreciate ourselves for who we are rather than deprecate ourselves for who we are not.

  • Loss of identity

  • Identity is not something we have normally chosen. Rather it has grown up in us. We may find we have identified almost completely with our role as a parent or a worker. Redundancy, retirement or an empty nest can leave us devastated. But we are more than the roles we play. A change in life is a chance for us to discover the unlived parts of who we are. New roles in life may then emerge without our losing the discovery that it is who we are rather than what we do that counts.
  • Spiritual issues

  • Sexual identity

  • 'Hope has two beautiful daughters; their names are Anger and Courage. Anger at the way things are, and Courage to make sure they don't stay that way', St. Augustine

    My counsellor practice in Westerham is situated just off the A25 between Oxted and Sevenoaks and is easily accessible from south-east London, east Surrey and the rest of Kent.

    Psychosynthesis counsellor in Westerham, Kent, covering Oxted, Sevenoaks and surrounding areas.

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